Frankenhooker (1990 Review)

Published on July 29, 2008 by Greg B. · No Comments

Cast: James Lorinz, Joanne Ritchie, Patty Mullen, J.J. Clark, Carissa Channing

Unearthed Films / Unrated / NTSC R1 / Anamorphic Widescreen (1.85:1) / Language: English, Swedish / 85 minutes / PURCHASE

Jeffery Franken and Elizabeth Shelley are madly (in his case “madly” is literal) in love but, of course, they have their problems. Her parents think he is weird (um, well, he IS a mad scientist) and that she eats too much. In a freak accident Liz is turned into flesh mulch as Jeffy’s remote control lawnmower that he made for her dad goes haywire and mows (har har) her over. Anyone have a good rake?

Of course this doesn’t mean the end of a good piece (lulz, I kill me) of ass for Jeffrey as he surreptitiously gathers up the “usable” parts of his lawnmowered love. For what you ask? Hey, fella, look at the name of the movie, his last name and her last name (Mary Shelley ring a bell?)… he’s going to rebuild her body and re-animate it! But where to get the remaining body parts… hmmmmmmm… the mall? Nah, too many teenie-boppers and Cougars. Church? No way, too many whackos. I’ve got it, he can get hookers in Times Square! But which one(s)? He needs the perfect legs, ass, and tits!

After accidentally giving a gaggle of 42nd street hizzoes some Super Crack (that’s right, fucking SUPER CRACK) to smoke, they all explode into pieces (how convenient!) and he gathers them up to build Elizabeth a bodacious new bod. But using the bodies of cracked-out, dirty, pre-Giuliani NYC whores can’t be good, can it? For Jeffery; maybe not. For the viewer of this completely fucked up masterpiece of carnage, guffaws and sewn on tits; for fucking sure.

Writer/director Frank Henenlotter (Brain Damage and the Basket Case trilogy) is a demented genius. If you have seen any of his other movies, you know what to expect. Low budget, whacky, gory and just plain sick comedy/horror that will leave you in stitches (oooh, ouch). This “Special Uncut Edition” looks and sounds fantastic and doesn’t skimp on the extras. Commentary by Henenlotter himself and SFX make-up artist Gabriel Bartalos, interviews with Patty Mullen (“Elizabeth”) and Jennifer Delora (one of the hookers, “Angel”) and loads of other stuff.

I remember seeing the VHS of this on the shelf at “Spec’s Music & Movies” when I was in my late teens and I never had the cajones to pick it up. Well, 18 years later I welded on some huge brass balls (can you even weld brass?) and I’m glad I did because they feel cold in between my thighs. No, it’s really because I love this movie even more than Frank’s other stuff which I enjoyed immensely. It’s one to watch over and over and laugh like Beavis and Butthead at every crude and often ridiculously obvious joke. So, run along and pick this up and while you’re out, go to your local ghetto, pick up a couple of stinky whores and some crack and enjoy it with your new friends.

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