Director:  Charles Sellier Jr.

Cast:  Robert Brian Wilson, Gilmer McCormick, Lilyan Chauvin, Linnea Quigley

Arrow Films / PAL Region 2 / Certification 18 / 16×9 Widescreen / English Language / Color / 82 minutes

Twas the night before Christmas. when all through the house, not a creature was stirring except a Santa Claus dressed like a psychotic maniac with a blood stained, double sided axe and a thirst for punishment against the very, very naughty!  Okay, so I’m terrible at rhymes but I watch pretty awesome flicks, especially about ones that deal with a murderously jolly St. Nick.  Think about it, what does Santa Claus do on Christmas Eve?  An unshaven fat man uses children-like people to slave all year round making toys.  Hopped up on “sugar,” and probably suffering from tundra psychological effects, he rides in a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer and they land on top of your roof, most likely destroying all your shingles and leaving reindeer turds as presents.  He then breaks and enters by way of your chimney, he eats your cookies, drinks all your milk and leaves you lumps of coal if he deems you naughty.  This guy is pretty wicked already and watching Silent Night, Deadly Night only reaffirms my theory of a malevolent Santa!

All 5 year old Billy ever wanted was to be good and to receive presents from his beloved Santa Claus.  That notion was quickly crushed and twisted as his mother and father were slain by a murderer dressed in a Santa suit.  Three years later, Billy was subjected to a “punishment is good” discipline by the orphanage’s Mother Superior.  Now as a strong 18 year old man with a stock job at a toy store, Billy faces ironic situations that mess with his already fragile mind.  Once pushed over the edge, Billy goes on the rampage making sure every foul mouth person, every sexual deviant and every naughty individual receives what they rightly deserve – death!

Silent Night, Deadly Night places itself in the “definitely one of the best Christmas horror films of all time” category; it sits along side Bob Clark’s Black Christmas and the Frosty the Snowman horror spoof Jack Frost (not the Michael Keaton crapfest version).  Every horror aficionado has a copy of this film and at least every casual movie goer knows of its existence.  What is not to love about this Charles Sellier film?  This film involves Christmas, which is the best time of the year, a homicidal crazy dressing up like Santa and breaking naughty peoples’ faces, there is enough sleaze and tits to go around like presents. Lastly, Linnea Quigley (who you might remember as “Trash” from Return of the Living Dead) is an absolute wet dream with minutes upon minutes of pointless toplessness.  With stellar material like that, how can you go wrong?  There are a few corny lines, surely, and some really bad acting, of course, but those moments can be easily exorcised from one’s memory because you will be immensely drawn in to the holiday spirit.

This holiday horror was produced by the now defunct Trimark Entertainment who tried to cash in on the slasher genre.  The company saw dollar signs when the low-budget Friday the 13th and Halloween series were practically getting millions shoved their way.  Halloween is a legit holiday so why not try something evil and sinister on Christmas too?  In the end, Silent Night, Deadly Night delivered by successfully jump starting a new holiday slasher series, spawning four sequels and a slew of memorable and popular one-liner quotes like, “Naughty!” and “Garbage day!”  Though the series fizzled out and became nothing more than a forgettable misfortune, Silent Night, Deadly Night becomes the number one movie to watch during the holiday season by a horror fan.

Arrow Films’ newly released UK DVD version of the film doesn’t break any kind of established grounds.  However, the sweet cover art alone makes me cream my pants.  The image presentation shines as a restored masterpiece for the most part; however, during some of the more brutal death scenes that excellent quality tapers off to a grainier look as if the scenes were edited out and then put back in without the proper restoration.  The audio portion is fantastic with the jingle of every bell, with the impact of every swing of the axe and with the scream of every victim.  The disk is a solid just-in-time X-mas gift for those in the UK or anybody with a multi-region DVD player in the States as this is a region 2 release.  Pick it up today or else Santa will punish you for your naughtiness!

CLICK FOR LARGER IMAGES

Official Site: www.guntownthemovie.com

Director:  Lee Vervoort

Cast:  Christianna Aronstam, Andy Grace, Tim Emery, Lee Vervoort

L.A.V. Pictures / NTSC Region 0 / Unrated / 16×9 Widescreen / Surround Sound 2.0 / 78 Minutes

When one mentions the western horror genre, what films seep their way into your mind?  From Dusk till Dawn?  Billy the Kid vs Dracula?  How about Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter?  The list isn’t long and the uniqueness of this category, through my eyes, can be vastly explored with endless possibilities just the same as camp slashers or abyss monsters.  Unfortunately, the concept of western horror has not been perfected and remains experimental in the hands of many persistent auteurs, like Richard Stanley, or directors like Kathryn Bigelow with Near Dark.  So, when the opportunity to review Lee Vervoort’s Gun Town came to light, I jumped and jumped high to where I had towering expectations like I had for Ravenous or Tremors.  The bar might have been set too high to reach, but my standards don’t dumb down for specific projects, big or micro budgeted, thus leaving me balanced during my screenings.  And when high noon had passed and the sun settled out west, I corralled myself into my confined four corner room, took off my worn down boots, sat down with chow in hand and gandered at the television for my first viewing of Gun Town.

On the year of 1979, an infamous accident caused Frank Bailey to snap and fatally shoot a tourist in Gun Town – an isolated western town mock-up.  Deemed criminally insane, Frank was sent to serve 30 years in a mental institute.  He returns to Gun Town and to his clan family which five friends stumble upon when their car breaks down while on an aimless trip to nowhere.  What seems like a rundown, vintage tourist trap turns out to be a clever ruse in drawing strangers in for a terror driven, real life gun fight to the death and where human flesh is the main grub.

What first can be said positive about Gun Town?  Lets start off saying that I dig Lee Vervoort’s passion.  Ambition and time are the two biggest key words when it comes down to making an indie film; it can be difficult and challenging.  Vervoort popped his directorial cherry with Gun Town. You might recall the man from various films as an actor or a stuntman. None of his films I’ve ever heard of, sorry Vervoort – I have failed you.  Not only did Vervoort direct, he also produced, wrote and played a minor and major role.  But how did Vervoort’s first helm fare?  Sadly, Gun Town misfires a self inflicting gun shot foot wound and from there remains a constant limp symbolizing deviated acting, a storyline filled with dried up waterholes (i.e. Why are the Bailey’s cannibals?  Shelly was never shot, yet pretended to be dead from a unseen gunshot?) and a cast of characters wandering pointlessly and aimlessly for more than half the film.

The female lead Christianna Aronstam is definitely a fucking positive for Gun Town but only for her eye-candy figure.  That statement will probably ruin my chances with this Lingerie Footballer, but her acting is much like a failed conversion on third and ten.  She frantically scrambles for lines by constantly glancing upward, contorting her face into odd expressions and her delivery makes me want to press mute and never press it on again.  As for Lee, his portrayal of a western version of Halloween‘s “the shape” works well and is effectively eerie.  I expected more with the stunts and with Vervoort being a veteran stuntman, I had no doubt this would be high-octane, horror action.  I was shocked and appalled that the stunts seemed obviously, and borderline hysterically, staged; however, some graphic gorier scenes prevailed.  The tree saw scene where a male character is sawed in half stands as a highlight of Gun Town.  With a great camera angle and decent enough “movie magic,” the scene stood out wonderfully yet was almost ruined by the obvious fake severed hands!

The Gun Town DVD is bland on the outside, but on the inside, there lies more meat to chew on.  Look for the short featurettes, Cursed & Dying and Outtakes & Bloopers, as they are a shoe-in for a laugh or two.  The video tour of the western town was informative and you can check out a picture slide show that has some kick ass original music by Tim Emery who also appears in the film as Dr. Sawbones – a bit of foreshadowing with this name. Gun Town might be strapped for cash but it displays wealth in the heart for horror.

CLICK FOR LARGER IMAGES

aka La nuit de la mort

Director: Raphaël Delpard

Cast: Isabelle Goguey, Charlotte de Turckheim, Betty Beckers, Michel Debrane, Ernest Menzer

Synapse Films / NTSC Region 1 / Unrated / 1.66:1 Widescreen / Dolby 2.0 Mono / 94 minutes / PURCHASE

“What could go on in a place like this?” – Creepy caretaker/assistant/henchman/weirdo

That place he is talking about is a retirement home for the elderly. Old folks like your ol’ Gran-pappy and Me-maw are the sweetest people you can imagine. They sit you on their knee and play “horsey” and shuffle around in their big, cuddly housecoats respectively. The air around old people is still, serene, almost… holy. Really, what could happen in a place like that? I mean, all that goes on are scheduled meals, scheduled games, scheduled social time and scheduled time to schedule things (old people are creatures of habit dont’cha know?). But what happens if said Gran-pappy and Me-maw wanted to live forever? And the only way to do that would be to eat young flesh? I don’t know about you, but the thought of aging, feeble people gnawing away at me with their dentures, smelling like moth balls scares the crap out of me.

It’s Martine’s first day at work as the staff nurse at the Deadlock House and she is excited to finally be among the employed after 8 months with no job. She finds the huge iron gate to be locked like a prison but quickly shrugs it off. There she meets the current nurse, the caretaker, Hélène (the Director of the home) and the wacky residents. Little by little she begins to find strange happenings afoot after she notices that the other nurse is missing and is told that she left after having an argument with the Director. Clues start to add up and Martine is soon entangled in a monthly ritual that keeps the Deadlock House’s inhabitants from ever dying: eating the hired help! And not in the “Oh eat me… yes, yes… right there!” kind of way… more like the “Oh please don’t eat me. I just ate a big meal and I have to poop. I’ll taste like shit!” kind of way. Will she be able to outrun or overpower the over the hill gang to escape, or will she be their next cannibal banquet?

This movie is creepy. Really fucking creepy. It drips an atmosphere of dread and macabre. This French production by writer/director Raphaël Delpard is well shot and lit. The shadows and spotlights throughout the huge house (which is itself a splendid setting) creates nightmarish figures out of otherwise sweet looking people. The casting was spot on with Betty Beckers as “Hélène”, the evil ringmaster of the whole she-bang and the incredibly naive looking – yet somehow ultra appealing – “Martine” played by Isabelle Goguey. Goguey is a redhead with extremely pale, milky looking skin and large wonderful ba-zoom-bas. Throughout much of the movie she is wearing a very thin nightgown where you can see the boob outline and I kept hoping and praying they would show them. Well, they did for like 2 seconds… but wow, those were a wonderful 2 seconds! Check out the stills below to see what I’m talking about.

Aside from the intangibles (and perfect boobs) there is plenty of gore here too. Much more than I expected really. But after I finished the watching the DVD I really looked at the cover where a girl is hanging from a hook by her neck and is half eaten. Maybe that should have tipped me off? Anywhoo, there is plenty of guts and goo here to satisfy you out there who like that kind of thing. Which I assume is ALL OF YOU! This is one of the best straight horror movies I have seen in a while. I honestly don’t know why it’s not more widely known. It should be right up there with the Euro-horror classics if you ask me. This is exactly why I love the fairly recent (within the last decade or so) practice of re-issuing, remastering and re-releasing older obscure genre films. Companies like Synapse are opening up whole different worlds to budding exploitation cine-philes like myself.

Speaking of the DVD release, this is pretty much a bare-bones disk as far as extras. There are none… at all. But the remastering of the video and audio are incredible. The film could have been made yesterday if you go by the quality of the sights and sounds. The Dolby 2.0 Mono soundtrack brings in the strange and ethereal violins and singing – like the track that plays when the cannibals are walking the hallways. The female voice wailing “IIIIIIIIIAAAAYYYYYYYYY” makes my spine tingle just thinking about it… *shudder*.

CLICK FOR LARGER IMAGES

Director:  Gregory Mandry

Cast:  Hiram Bleetman, Carrie Cohen, Nigel Croft-Adams

Dark Sky Films / NTSC Region 1 / Not Rated / 1.78:1 Widescreen / Dolby 5.1 Surround / 90 Minutes / PURCHASE

“It tastes like chicken”.  How many times have you heard that phrase?  That comment has been the description of numerous tastings of exotic foods that are very foreign to the typical American palate; examples of these foods would be alligator, rattlesnake, Iguana and even the fried spider – yummy!  The declarative statement is so widely known that the phrase has its own Wikipedia page.  Every time that phrase is used in the dialogue, a raging flow of film recollections drown my thoughts, overwhelming me with countless films which used the same phrase. Gnaw places itself on a long list of films that describes cooked human flesh being like chicken.  Sadly, the overused description pretty much sets the rest of the film’s layout presenting to its audience nothing new in the slasher-cannibalistic sub-field.

Six friends make a journey to an isolated cabin in rural Soffolk county of East Anglia.  Instead of a peaceful getaway, tensions rise between Jack and Lorrie when Lorrie discovers she is pregnant with Jack’s child.  The problem is that Jack is committed with Jill.  As internal problems continue among them, there lurks a voyeuristic sinister force that craves their young bodies – literally.  A cannibalistic maniac roams the woods and stalks the visitors like prey, turning them into a piping hot delicious stew or making them filling for a shepherd’s pie!

Gnaw does ape or homage a bit of Tobe Hooper’s Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and though I am sure director Gregory Mandry intentionally sought this resemblance, I am afraid that I have to say Gnaw does a bit too much in trying to be similar to the beloved 1974 classic.  Yes, Gnaw takes place in the UK, but that difference and the killer having a two prong pitchfork as his primary are the only two differences.  When you break it down and compare the two films, here is what you might come up with:  both films involve a cannibalistic family, both films have at least one chainsaw moment, both films involve a rural area, both killers don’t talk, and both films have a killer that uses a various form of mammal hide to cover their face.  Do you get the picture yet?  If not, I’ll give you one more to ponder – even the original score made me wonder if Jason Voorhees was going to show up and join in the hacking and slashing.

What strikes me as questionable is the gratuitous binding.  For some of our unfortunate, ill-fated characters, they are spared to be later sliced and diced on the cutting board, but what is the cause for this delay?  The “slaughterman”, the labeled antagonist character, doesn’t revel in any pleasure from this binding.  He renders naive suckers unconscious, trusses them in some way shape or form and then proceeds to remove organs without killing them first.  Speaking of which, much of the violence is implied.  I am a fan of quick cuts and other editing techniques that help micro budget films achieve a well-tuned death scene.  However, if you’re going to tie people to chairs and tables, there needs to be a mutilation or a form of torture follow up because that setting puts the viewer into an anticipation mood to see some bloody body experimentation.  The editing for Gnaw sets the film up to fail in the special effects department; it unfortunately doesn’t deliver on the expectations.

The characters were nothing new as they came off two dimensional.  When do stereotypical horror genre characters grow old?  The constantly horny couple, the double timing jerk boyfriend, the bitch girlfriend, the socially awkward outcast and the too-good-to-be-true nice guy were all present and accounted for, but I do give credit where credit is due and say that there was no token black guy!  I can’t see a realistic group of friends being so different from each other.  Think about it, are you and your friends similar or are you all completely different that you could place each one of you in a category?  None of the characters developed and were stuck in a rut of tireless monotony.

Gnaw is no where near being a absolute, bottom of the barrel bad indie film; its relays a functional plot and bares a solid actor performance while creating sensational cinematography that holds strong against Hollywood standards, but as far as originality or putting a slight twist on the old, there is no mold being broken here.  If I wanted to rehash the same material, I would review all the classics over and over again to the point of whenever I see Leatherface, I would vomit.  I’d say give Gnaw a chance if you’re casual about horror movies because you may not be overly drenched with material like this every…single….day…of your life like myself.

CLICK FOR LARGER IMAGE