Schoolgirl Report Vol. 1: What Parents Don’t Think Is Possible (1970, Review)
aka Schulmädchen-Report: Was Eltern nicht für möglich halten
Director: Ernst Hofbauer
Cast: Günther Kieslich, Wolf Harnisch, Helga Kruck, Friedrich von Thun
Impulse Pictures / Unrated / NTSC R1 / Widescreen 1.66:1 Color (Anamorphic) / GERMAN: Dolby Digital Stereo / Subtitles: English / 84 minutes / PURCHASE @ DIABOLIKDVD.COM
————————————————
Hot on the heels of the news that volume 5 is going to be released in a couple of months, I thought it would be a good time to bone up (pun intended) on the best German sexploitation series ever; Schoolgirl Report. The series formula is a documentary about the sexual lives of teenage girls told through vignettes, narration and “man on the street” interviews. None of which are taken at all seriously. There is a cheeky sense of humor throughout the run time of the movie that makes the goings on almost too goofy to be sexy… almost.
Volume 1 begins with a schoolgirl field trip to some sort of production factory that gets one of the girls into big trouble. As the rest of the girls are being shown around the facility, she is being shown around the bus driver’s cock-n-balls. When the chaperon notices her absence from the group, she heads to the bus to find her, and find her she does; playing “hide the gear shift”. The girl is taken to the principal who promptly gets together with the school board to figure out the girl’s punishment.
A member of the board is a psychiatrist who has studied teen girls (I’ll bet he has!) and has come to the conclusion that girls nowadays (the ’70s) are much more sexually active and agressive than their parents know. The doctor shares with the board stories that he heard during his studies – again, shown through vignettes – of lolitas trying to seduce their priest during confession, a 15 and 16 year old girl’s threesome with a male lifeguard in his late 20s, lesbian teen threesomes and so much more.
As I said in my opening, the whole she bang (HA!) is presented in the most playful way possible. The interview questions are so personal and blunt that no serious movie would try to pass them off as real. And considering the questionable material concerning “teens” having sex on screen, it is all so over-the-top sensational that only a real prude would be offended. There is no hardcore sex but more of a “cheesecake” attitude during the softcore sex scenes. Most of the girls in the scenes were real cuties too, even if you do get a couple of hairy armpit shots here and there.
There are something like 11 sequels to this first groundbreaking film (I have only seen Vol. 3 and it was also great) so I can only guess what they have in store for us in the later installments. Could it get more risque? More nubile teen girls with puffy nipples? Schoolgirl orgy while naughty nuns stand around diddling themselves? Sorry, I am mixing my exploitation genres… anyway, if you haven’t already, it’s time for you to delve into the perverted world of the Schoolgirl Report. Just be sure to tell your significant other, “but it’s a documentary, dear”.
