Tag Archives: aliens

John Carpenter’s “The Thing” turns 30

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(NOTE: Article contains spoilers. -ed.)

John Carpenter’s take on John W. Campbell Jr.’s classic sci-fi novella Who Goes There? and Howard Hawks’ 1951 classic The Thing From Another World hit theaters 30 years ago on June 25th – and The Thing has been scaring the fuck out of people ever since.

It’s not just the alien, or seeing an adorable sled dog become a bloodthirsty killer – what sends The Thing over the edge is its masterful use of paranoia and distrust to instill fear in the viewer – watching Kurt Russell’s “MacReady” (the name alone should go into the halls of bad-assery) attempt to figure out who’s infected and who’s still human keeps us on the edge of our seats all the way through to the final scene – which appropriately gives us no sense of resolution at all.

The Thing is more than just awesome creature effects and stuff blowing up; it’s an allegory to our own society. In an isolated setting our characters hash out what Americans have feared since before our revolution from the British: a loss of identity, loss of autonomy, and the suspicion that grows among us when we’re unsure if our compatriots are friends or enemies. That last shot – with MacReady and Childs sharing a drink and eyeing each other distrustfully as they watch the remnants of Outpost 31 burn – is like the last dab of icing on a ‘fuck you’ cake because there is no resolution for humanity – we’re going to keep being balls of suspicion mixed in with blood and guts – we don’t get a happy ending in The Thing because we don’t get a happy ending in reality – well… at least not every day… unless that’s your bag. No judgments.

Of course Universal went and fucked this up with their sanitized for TV version created with TBS – removing the “Are they or aren’t they infected?” doubts from the end and replacing it with another sled dog slinking away to infect others. Oh that little scamp! Since then it’s been released on DVD in 1998 and again in 2004 – both DVD’s contain about the same extras: a documentary called The Thing: Terror Takes Shape, which features details and interviews from pretty much everybody involved in the film. The 1998 version also includes deleted scenes, the stupid ending from the TV version, and features commentary by John Carpenter and Kurt Russell. The 2004 version includes all of the same extras but with the added bonus of an HD version of the film (the extras sadly are still in their original formatting). It was then given the Blu-Ray treatment in 2008, again with pretty much all the same stuff but with the added (and pointless) picture-in-picture feature which splices the documentary in with the movie at key points of the film. I’m not even really sure why that’s important, but as a bonus the Blu-ray’s are region free, so next time you’re planning that trip to Europe – feel free to clutch it to your traveling bosom like the ’80s-horror primer that it is.

For all its brilliance The Thing actually got pretty shitty reviews when it premiered. Critics loved the special effects but hated Carpenter’s mash-up of sci-fi and horror. The poor reception could’ve been due to its competing with Ridley Scott’s Blade Runner which opened the same weekend, or because a far cuddlier alien named ET hit theaters two weeks earlier to terrorize stuffed animals and Reese’s Pieces everywhere.

Despite its initially cold reception, The Thing lives on: a prequel of the same title was just released last year, chronicling the Norwegians experience with the alien that lead to the opening scene of the 1982 film. That was total crap, but I’m more interested in the failed attempt by SciFi Channel to turn a sequel into a 4 part miniseries in 2003. Return of The Thing would’ve been helmed by the one and only Frank Darabont (former show runner for The Walking Dead and director of one of the best movie adaptations ever made, The Shawshank Redemption) and was based on a story written by Darabont’s own former assistant David Leslie Johnson, who’s gone on to pen several episodes of The Walking Dead (including one of my favorites, the Daryl heavy “Chupacabra”), as well as Orphan and Wrath of the Titans. I dug up a writer who was able to get their hands on Johnson’s screenplay in 2009. Johnson’s take brings the terror of The Thing to the US (kind of like Mormonism) – and it actually sounds like it could’ve made a decent story if Darabont didn’t fuck it up (I’ve seen The Mist, Frank, they can’t all be gems).

SciFi’s resurrection plans were inexplicably scrapped. I’d try to lobby for an internet campaign to get it going again but what could we deluge them with in the mail? Siberian puppies? That could actually work…

Not of This Earth (1988, DVD review)

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Directed by Jim Wynorski

Cast: Traci Lords, Arthur Roberts, Lenny Juliano

Shout Factory / Region 1 / Rated R / 1.78:1 widescreen / English Dolby Digital Stereo / 81 minutes / PURCHASE

Disc Extras: New Audio Commentary With Star Traci Lords & Director Jim Wynorski / Original DVD Audio Commentary With Director Jim Wynorski / New Interview With Traci Lords / Trailer / New World Trailers

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Shout Factory has churned out a ton of Roger Corman produced DVD’s in the past year, and I can’t help but take a second to mention some of the better titles they’ve released. Genre fans have been awarded with The Slumber Party Massacre Collection, Death Race 2000, Piranha, Humanoids from the Deep, The Women in Cages Collection, and a whole kick ass assortment of double, triple, and quadruple features of oddball and vintage exploitation movies. Many of these titles have been presented in cleaned up prints, fine packaging, and with the extras aficionados crave. Fans of everything from Pam Grier to Dick Miller have many reasons to rejoice.

This brings me to one of those releases called Not of This Earth. Forget that this title is a remake of a prior film, because it doesn’t really matter. What does is the barrel of cheese coming your way. This self-aware title is cheaply made, chock full of juvenile humor, b-grade effects, late ’80s fashion, a bevy of the biggest boobs I’ve ever seen (every chick flashing her bags have giant knockers, no exception) and lots of clips from other movies inserted into the film, mainly the kill scenes and bigger budget moments. Even the opening montage is like a “best of” clip reel of other Corman space and sci-fi movies. This isn’t a bad thing. Not of This Earth is a schlocky movie that knows it’s schlocky, and is damn proud of the fact.

The real gem is Traci Lords. Her performance, that vixen/bitch/crass attitude-ness, really elevates the film to a higher level. Without her, this movie wouldn’t work. The plot is very simple: An human-looking alien dressed in a black suit and black sunglasses comes to earth to save his race from a blood disease. They need human blood to study and steal. Mr. Johnson, our stiff acting alien, hires Nadine Story (Traci Lords), a nurse, to attend to his needs as he hunts blood and fresh specimens to send to his plant. Lenny Juliano (who also plays a really small part in Chopping Mall) does a good job as the ex-con named Jeremy who serves as our alien’s unknowing errand boy. Together, Nadine and Jeremy combine forces to hatch the alien’s plan and try to stop him from harvesting more blood. The plot’s that simple, but it’s the situational humor, that dumb charm, that really makes this a winner.

Not of This Earth is a great case as to why ’80s comedy/cheese was so damn fun to watch. Back when comedies Revenge of the Nerds and Police Academy were churned out like crazy, movies like Not of This Earth was right there with them. Sure, it’s not hardcore splatter, nor is it perfect, but you do get plenty of boobs and silly jokes to satisfy the palate. My only complaint is that the sound will need to be turned up a few notches, because some of the audio is a bit muddled at times, but the picture quality is excellent, and the packaging is top-notch. The viewer is awarded with a nice interview with Traci Lords, a commentary track with the actress and the director, and some cool trailers. I give this movie a hearty recommendation for those who enjoy fun-loving b-movies.

The Deadly Spawn (1983, Blu-ray Review)

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Director: Douglas McKeown

Cast: Charles George Hildebrandt, Tom DeFranco, Richard Lee Porter, Jean Tafler

Elite Entertainment / Region A / Unrated / 1.33:1 Fullscreen / English 2.0 Mono / 81 minutes / PURCHASE

Disk Extras: Intro by producer Ted A. Bohus / Commentary with Bohus and editor Marc Harwood / Production and promo stills / Comic book preview / Casting tapes / Gag reel / Trailer and TV spot / Alternate opening scene / Local TV coverage / Liner notes from Ted A. Bohus

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Earth vs. The Ultimate Eating Machine!

A couple of campers are out doing a little outdoorsy-type shit when a meteor crashes near the campsite. Upon investigating, the two are quickly mauled by an unseen alien creature. The murderous monster makes its way to the basement of a nearby home, sets up shop and begins spawning little eel-like babies who are soon feeding on the family living in the house. The nine year old son, who happens to be into movie monsters, is the first to see the aliens and live so he uses his creature-smarts and learns how to fight and kill them. His older twenty-something brother and his science nerd friends get in on the fun and use their collective noodles to basically get their asses handed to them by the toothy parasitic creatures while the little dude kicks much ass and helps to dispatch all of the Deadly Spawns… or does he?

The movie is just what you probably think it is with a name like The Deadly Spawn; a low-budget, ’80s puppet monster flick with shitty acting, a little nudity, unintentional laughs and tons of great practical gore effects. This movie delivers on all of those fronts and will satiate your need for 1980s horror and gore cheesiness. The momma alien is a giant head of rows and rows of nasty, drippy teeth and a body that looks like the Chet shit monster from Weird Science. The babies look like six inch long sperm with those same gnashing teeth, kinda like a lamprey if a lamprey was alien and snacked on humans like they were a king-sized Snickers bar. The Deadly Spawn is like if you crossed Ridley Scott’s Aliens with Night of the Creeps with a splash of Evil Dead. Gory, low-budget sci-fi horror doesn’t get any better than this unless there is more boobies involved.

Now comes the bad part; this “high definition” Blu-ray Millennium Edition from Elite Entertainment and MVD Visual. While the movie kicks ass, this release is lackluster at best. The picture quality is pretty fucking shitty by even VHS standards. I was pretty impressed with the nice, saturated colors and strong contrasts but I noticed that the blacks were actually too dark and just blended all together. There was also noticeable film damage throughout the entire runtime but that’s not even the worst part, that would be a complete lack of detail in the picture to the point where people looked like they were made of clay! Whole scenes where just completely blurry like someone smeared Vaseline on the lens. I’m confused to what Elite was thinking when they supposedly remastered this and what source did they use? This is by far the worst HD Blu-ray transfer I have ever seen.

I would definitely pick up the movie in some form and there are a couple of different options for you from other companies with slightly different supplementals but they are all around the same price. Don’t buy this thinking it’s an improvement over the other options, buy it because you just want a competitively priced Blu-ray of a fucking badass movie.